I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
