I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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