You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
