You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The uberlube is also flammable
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
