I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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