you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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