I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
