Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
