So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have aggressive nipples.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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