remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
