I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
