i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
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I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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