I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
