The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
