tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
