so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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