went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
