We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
