pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
