Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
