dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
