Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
