No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
