Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
