I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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