Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize