I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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