he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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