this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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