you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How does one acquire holy water?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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