I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize