i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
