Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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