Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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