I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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