just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
