I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
