What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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