I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
