I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
