3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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