She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need to calm my uterus...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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