the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
