Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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