What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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