So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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