I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
