I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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