Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
