The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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