Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
