even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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