No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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