Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
