Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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