Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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