If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Holy sore nipples Batman
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
