i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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