He disabled his match.com account in front of me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do vagina's smell?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
