She said her name was "party"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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