i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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