Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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