True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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