He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
