i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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