careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
