In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
