I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
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I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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