i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
