You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
